Make America Gag Again! / Corky Nouveau

sheriff's car

Photo from the Whatcom County Sheriff’s Office webpage,

September 3, 2018  Corky Nouveau

It’s been difficult keeping my Sauv Blanc down lately. I read the news today, oh boy… The Searchlight Review…it seems some of the Whatcom County Sheriff’s Department (WCSD) cubs are working hard on their Surveillance Badges from the Homeland Security Scouts Border Patrol Pack. Let me try to do a rundown on how their overblown and concocted suspicions are playing out. They’ve been tracking the movements of my fellow citizens who pose an existential threat to the safety of Whatcom County and international order. These locally sourced eco-zealots have undermined Whatcom County’s security by traveling to Canada to join the First Nations and Canadian eco-maniacs to protest some pipeline up there.  I also learned of the home-grown group of desperate border-busting socialists  known as Community to Community Development, aka their secret gang tag, C2C. I’m sure relieved that the WCSD is protecting me and the county’s ag sector from anarchy and illegal immigrants by keeping tabs on these dangerous folks. What a productive use of my tax dollars and the Sheriff’s manpower! Otherwise they’d be wasting their time patrolling the lawless Foothills frontier and managing I-5 traffic by busting speeding consumers, some from over the northern border, on their way to loot outlet malls and Trader Joe’s. Tickets and tariffs!

But really, this most recent Robson report stirred my gird. Acid reflux does not pair with Blaufrankisch.  A piece of 2016 is still stuck in my craw, and that’s the bill the Trump visit to Lynden left for the WCSD to pick up, which means us taxpayers. Now these sleuthing sheriffs must be on the clock doing this Barney Fife Homeland Security routine, so how much do they cost the county taxpayers? Maybe Elfo knows. Do they have a secret situation room where the desk jockeys joystick the drones flying over the protest marches?  The next election for the WCSD honcho can’t happen soon enough.

Soot is not a tasting note- It’s bad enough when al fresco at the bistro is ruined by the stench in Trump’s Great Dismal Swamp mixing with the smoke of distant fires. This summer we’ve been muffled in a miasmatic murk as bad as Bejing’s. MAKE AMERICA GASP AGAIN! But we have to also deal with other obnoxious local vapors.

From The Don’t Bother Me I’m On Vacation Department- Whatcom County Executive Jack Lowes couldn’t be troubled to sign the latest re-authorization of the fossil fuel export moratorium. Rank incompetence could be defined as refusing to address the looming threats to the health and safety of the county he was elected to serve. Maybe he’s still suffering from the GPT sore-loser syndrome. I would suggest a relaxing vacation in the Alberta Tar Sands Spa for his next moratorium destination. I hear the Bitumen Peel is great for entitlement furrows.

Instant reflux- I just about spit my morning Aligote all over the Sunday Seattle Times NWSunday section when my eyes were filled with the headline. Verbatim: “Seahawks owner Paul Allen gives $100,000 to help Republicans keep control of U.S. House.” He dropped it into the pocket of Kevin McCarthy, one of the many House repub piglets sloshing around in Trump’s DC Sty. Mr. Allen invests in Dems too, like all the billionaires are wont to do. Thanks for saving our old growth, Paul, but those repugnicans would cut them all down if they could.

Happy Labor Day! Every day! The state of unions now is wobbly, just the way the Ruling Class wants it. I gotta believe the Pendulum of Justice is about to swing back and knock the exploiters into the Karma Pit. I toast all the working class, except scabs, and raise a glass of Washington state wine to those that toil in the vineyards.

Corky Nouveau is the pen name of a talented and opinionated local Whatcom County resident who has kindly consented to have his entertaining and informative observations printed on Noisy Waters Northwest. 

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